The End: An Interpretation

I've loved all the wrap-up posts that have gone before, but as I hit the end of my personal PCP and tried to think of what to say, the whole idea suddenly became absurd. Still processing what it's meant, what will happen going forward. But the end of these 90 days must be marked, and perhaps the act of trying to do a wrap up will produce something worthwhile.

All my gratitude to my fellow PCPers--those who went before and whose honesty inspired me to try it to; Stu, Nathaly, and Ramiro, who shared the experience with me; and the new teams who are coming up fast and looking fine. Thank you, Patrick, for everything--patience, encouragement, and the project itself.

The Good Stuff

Before.......................................................After

Days: 90
Workouts: 90
Workouts At Night: 3
Days Off Grams: 4, due to vacation
Pounds Lost: 30
Clothing Sizes Dropped: 3
Minutes Spent Cooking, Boring Meals Eaten, Dishes Washed: countless

The pants to one of my suits. They shrank this much by the middle of the project,
I had them tailored to fit again, and then it happened again.
The second photo is an example of elephant butt.

The Bad Stuff

I've made great progress and found my face again (hello, cheekbones!). But there's still that spare tire around my middle, and the wobbly bits at the inner thighs and under arms. It's good to celebrate the end of an extended exercise in willpower, but also annoying. This doesn't feel like a triumphant finish, because I'm still so far from my goals.

Spent some time trying on the clothes I've been hauling around the world because it's been easier to let the moving services pack and unpack them than to weed. Many of my old favorites are too small--within reach, but too small. This means that I have clothes that are way too big, and clothes that are about a month or two away from fitting, depending on how hard I work, and nothing to wear right now. Guess it's time to invest a little money on temporary holding clothes.

The Lesson Learned

What I wanted from the PCP, aside from weight loss/muscle gain, was daily experience in incorporating healthy, home-cooked food into my life. I started as a special-occasion cook, someone who only liked to be in the kitchen as a hobby and thought of everyday food as something you grabbed takeaway, delivery, microwaveable. There were more days than you might imagine possible when a giant bowl of popcorn covered in butter and cheese was my main meal of the day--my own version of the salt-fat overload in manufactured foodlike products, consumed mostly as something to crunch while reading. Meanwhile, trying to plan meals for a whole week and buy all the ingredients for them at once felt exhausting and difficult.

What did I have for dinner last night?

A piece of toast, spread with half an avocado, topped with a sliced tomato and a chicken breast.

I did salt the chicken, and add a luxurious small pat of butter to the cooking oil, but it was healthy and tasty and fast. This is much better everyday food, and the months of practice mean that my steps in making it were swift, economical, practical, efficient.

How do I grocery shop now? Exactly as I should, with the added knowledge that I no longer forget vegetables until they mold. They're an essential part of every meal. And fruit has somehow stepped out of the shadows. It used to feel like too much trouble to wash, slice, get up and grab from the fridge. Now it's a source of pleasure so strong that I still have no urge to seek out dessert.

How do I keep my energy up now? Instead of tea midmorning and soda midafternoon, which used to feel like unbreakable rituals making the workday possible, it's small snacks. They're light, quick, flavorful hits of fruit or yogurt that keep me alert and moving.

The crazy thing, which ties into Patrick's most recent blog post, is that none of this is new or earth-shattering. They're all the most basic of commonsense ideas. But it took three months of unbreakable fidelity to external rules to learn experientially that they work, and that they're actually easier than the alternatives.

It turns out my husband was right all along about working out at home and jumping rope. He's been trying since 2007 to get me to jump--I even tried once to get into a routine, but the tripping pissed me off after several tries and I didn't persevere. It's been clear for a while now that I am a minimalist in working out, and this kind of exercise suits my schedule and level of interest. Although I'll never force myself to do it every single day, no exceptions, again. Anyone else zone out a bit while jumping and then, when the round has stopped, think more consciously about what passed through over those minutes? At the end of my first set on day 88, I was horrified to discover that I'd been contemplating the best way to land so as to hurt or break my ankle and get out of the rest of the day's jumps. They weren't painful, I wasn't tripping, there was nothing wrong except that I just didn't want to be doing them. At least one rest day a week, for mental health.

The Future

The question everyone asks now, including me, is what next?

Probably 40-minute workouts daily, half jump rope, half muscle. Probably my familiar PCP breakfast of oatmeal, carrots, egg, and milk, and the same morning, afternoon, and evening snacks (but I'll spoon the yogurt straight out of the container and eat whole fruits instead of cutting and weighing them). Probably half or more lunches and dinners a week cooked at home. Probably a single beer, glass of wine, or post-meal scotch once or twice a week.

Lots of hiking. Maybe I'll pick up the squash racket again. More collaborative cooking with my husband and less selfishness--he's been generous in making do, so I had enough food for lunches and the occasional night off, but he more than deserves to be eating as well as I do.

(Today's hike--we'd already climbed one hill, and then had to go all the way down
just to climb up again over the Twins in the middle of the frame. The views were amazing.
My legs were stronger than ever, though I still flagged on the second and third ascents.)

It's a journey. This three-month rocket burn has accelerated my fitness, I hope to achieve escape velocity from the old, bad habits. We'll see.

Day Ninety: That's All, Folks

Well, it's 11pm on Day 90. Workout was so fast this morning and felt great. Because I had an important call to make tonight, and because final pictures still need to be taken, I kept strict diet until 9:30, and then had a taste of tom yum and pad thai, and a few sips of an expensive scotch. It's a good night.

I'm still processing the whole experience, and hoping that--when I sit down this weekend to write my wrap-up post--something new will come out of my fingers. Right now, very few thoughts. It's good to relax.

Day Eighty-Nine: Almost There

I celebrated the almost end of the project by going out to watch other people eat Korean barbecue. Sigh. It doesn't actually sting any more, but it's still not really my favorite activity. During the meal, I kept trying to figure out how much I'd be eating and of what. I certainly would have ordered quite a few more vegetable dishes. Hooray for educated taste buds!

Also, today's workout: WTF. I am so looking forward to tomorrow. Go, Fantastic Carrot! We did it!

Day Eighty-Seven: With A Little Help

One of the interesting things on these blogs is how few of us talk much about the support we get from friends. We do tend to talk about our family members, but not so much the friends. I have to say that mine have been instrumental. They've encouraged me, they've listened to me whine, and one of them even cooked a PCP-positive meal for me and offered to do it again (bliss).

Of course, there's the dark side, too. Some people have taken to saying, "When you can eat again, we'll do this; when you can drink again..." It's funny, but trying to gently correct them and point out that I'm not going to reverse all my results by returning to all my former mindless habits falls on deaf ears. In many people's vision of the plan, because the diet was so limiting and because it was such a well-defined time period, that must mean that it's the same as a crash diet.

I've said that I don't actually think I'll want pizza on Saturday or barbecue on Sunday or any of the other fatty delicious things people are planning for me. The plan is chai tea on Saturday morning, brewed with whole milk and plus enough sugar to make the spices pop. On Monday, I'll go to lunch on Wellington Street and get a bowl of noodle soup with fish balls and lots of greens. On Thursday, there's a big Sichuan meal planned. It's strange, but otherwise I don't care to be that indulgent.

(I'm a Tsim Chai Kee partisan. Love those giant fish balls,
flavored with something vaguely fennel-like.)

My near future is up in the air, but should be settled in the next couple of weeks. I've been in the process of getting a next assignment for a few months now--almost since beginning the PCP--and soon it will be over. As the time nears, and the phone interviews heat up, and different priorities compete, and the uncertainty ratchets high, it's a little destabilizing to be leaving the certainty of all these rules and plans for a yet-to-be-charted food and exercise future.

In at least one way, it's a good thing, though. I could really use a drink.

Day Eighty-Six: End Euphoria

I know we're not there yet, I know the toughest workouts lie ahead, I know that afterward there will be lots of challenges to meet. But for right now, I'm high on the idea that there are only three more serious workouts to go, and then I can rest a little.

It's funny, because as usual Stu and I are on the exact opposite page. He's having deep thoughts about the future and seeking out extra ab challenge (and crushing it, yo). I'm working hard, but with my head down, counting the days. He did remind me of something important, which is to focus on the activity that inspired me to start this. It's been several weeks since I've hiked. Last weekend's plans were canceled because of a typhoon in the area that ended up swerving off. The weather was perfect on Saturday, and yet I mostly stayed in and slept. So here's a plan for the future.

First, I am the captain of a team of eight signed up for this charity walk on November 13. It starts at 10:30pm, and ends whenever we finish the 20k. One of our team members fondly imagines that it'll take long enough to have celebratory dim sum in the morning, but I think we'll finish around 3am, even with a slow pace, and head home for some sleep.

The week after, the real challenge starts. As you may know, Hong Kong has four long-distance trails that are pretty well-maintained, and divided into manageable sections. I've hiked the entire Lantau Trail, and parts of the Hong Kong Trail. In mid-November, I'm going to start doing one piece or more of the 100k MacLehose Trail each weekend at least until my family arrives for Christmas. It will encompass gorgeous views of the ocean, vistas down into the beating heart of urban Kowloon, the famous monkey trail (where you shouldn't carry a grocery bag--they recognize the logos and steal those), the highest point in not-terribly-high HK, and lots and lots of stairs. I'm looking forward to attacking them with these leg muscles and this conditioning. Jasper, Bill, if you're free on Saturdays, join us!

Day Eighty-Four: New Ab Exercise

One of our two current homework assignments is to find a new ab exercise. Inspired by my husband, who loves bodyweight stuff and seeks out inspiration frequently, and by Sara's badass homemade incline workout, I went to Ross.



What about that roller exercise at 20 seconds in? Okay, you're right, that's insane. Especially since he's doing it one-handed and with what appears to be extra weight strapped to his back. At any rate, if you're looking for ideas on new bodyweight workouts or homemade exercise equipment, I recommend checking out his site.

Luke owns his book, Never Gymless, and it has a nice, tough-looking but doable ab exercise. Lay on your back with your arms out in a T shape. Lift legs up to 90 degrees. Lower them in a controlled motion to the left, keeping the rest of the body as still as possible. Just before they touch the ground, stop and lift up again to center. Repeat on the other side.

Day Eighty-Three: Rough Week

It was kind of a rough week at work--lots of running around, all three people in my office with computers down from various reasons for two days, etc, which is why no blog posts. All I want to do at night is crash. I sort of solved the eating problem by having caramelized onions and eggs with a piece of toast for dinner three nights in a row, which has the added benefit of being very fast and easy to cook, once you've caramelized a large batch of onions. Although it doesn't taste excellent, having no freaking butter. Scrambled eggs should always be cooked in butter.

Is anyone else a little freaked out about the last week of exercises? Those who have gone before have talked about supersets and how hard they are. I feel like the workout this morning was more than difficult enough, thank you. SEVEN sets of triceps dips!?!

There is a nice little story from yesterday, though. Running late in the morning, starting the workout ten minutes after the drop-dead time, already going to be late to work. All through the workout, I'm telling myself, "JFD. You will be running from now until 9:30 pm and this workout has to get done now. You can skip the stupid time-consuming planks and do 8 min abs tonight." I justified skipping those planks six ways to Sunday, and then, when the workout was otherwise finished, found myself doing a plank, marveling the entire minute and forty-five seconds that it was happening. Only the first one was any good, as usual, and I skipped the last set. But it still felt like a personal triumph.

Finally, the body image stuff. Today, wore new jeans for the first time. They're the same size as the ones I've been wearing recently, but cut to be less forgiving at the waist, and they feel good on. On the other hand, I went to the tailor yesterday to order a formal dress for an event in November, and got charged extra for being an inch bigger than the largest LAG size. Okay, that was more funny than upsetting. I spared a moment to feel sorry for the LAG measuring me, considering her likely fate in Grace's disaster movie scenario.