The last two days have been torture. My portions are he-you-ge these days, and nothing seems appealing. Can this still be post-indulgence letdown? Only I don't think indulgence food would be appealing, either.
Yesterday, I didn't pack lunch, and bought a large salad with most of a can of tuna on it and a bunch of dry toast. I only managed half the salad. As I forked up bite after bite, my gag reflex got in the way and made eating any more impossible. In the evening, my husband made buttered toast. It smelled great, and my stomach was growling, but I also felt a little nauseated by it. I'd eaten the citrus chicken and couscous at my bookclub meeting in approximate portion sizes, and added some vegetables when I got home. Yesterday, I was probably way under grams, which means that I got hungry very easily today.
And yet it only takes a few bites of food before I start feeling revolted again. Lunch was just egregiously large, and dinner was another long fight with the gag reflex. This is food that last week was very appetizing to me. I've adopted throwing my hands up in a v in the air at the end of every meal: triumph over giant portions is mine! But what I really want is egg white, apple, milk, like the next generation over there.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Day Seventy-Nine: Post-Indulgence
So the indulgence was really fun, but I have the weirdest hangover of my life. Also, I barely took any photos because I was too busy indulging. I made, as promised, four old favorite recipes. Three delivered, and my husband claims the fourth failed because of a bad ingredient.
1. Maple toasted walnuts: fail; bad walnuts. We've had them before and they were way better. Got consumed anyway, mostly by a friend.
2. Broiled pork tenderloin with garlic and rosemary: great success. I felt they were a little undercooked, but the crew ate so much that there was nothing left over.
(They were just surprised I was taking the picture. The pork was enthusiastically dished and snarfed.)
3. Risotto with gorgonzola and sage: massive success. Except for the guy who gets sick when he eats blue cheese (did not tell me this in response to my pre-shopping inquiry), everyone had multiple servings. This recipe includes two cups of rice, a stick of butter, and a quarter pound of cheese, not to mention the parmesan for garnish. It was everything I was missing and more. I had two small servings and almost stopped there, but the bowl still on the table a half hour after we'd all finished eating called to me and I had a little more. Wouldn't have done it if not for the thought: you can't have even a tiny little bite tomorrow.
(Also salad with oranges and homemade vinaigrette for contrast and greens.)
4. Lemon granita: so, so, so good and refreshing. Hong Kong is "cooling off," by which I mean that we just feel pleasantly warm in our short sleeves and no longer sweat the second we step outdoors. Ices are still in season. This one is just lemon juice, lemon zest, spring water, and superfine sugar. No photo because I was too busy eating. It's powerful, so portions are always small, but I had two.
I know, the only really indulgent thing on the list is the risotto, but there was salt on everything, and sugar in three of the dishes, and lots and lots of wine with dinner. Also, people to have fun with in a casual situation that involves food and drink. We played an impromptu game of Balderdash (I won, of course), and just generally had a great time until I kicked everyone out just before 11.
(See the water pitcher on the table? I drank lots of that, too.)
The fallout today was instructive. I didn't have a traditional headache-y hangover, but did have some rough intestinal effects this morning, probably from all the wine. I had to go back to the bathroom after jumping rope, and back again after finishing the strength exercises. After that, it was pretty normal. There was also strong afternoon fatigue, combined with a powerful revulsion toward food, even as my stomach rumbled. I wasn't able to finish my tuna salad at lunch--the gag reflex was just too strong.
The important lesson here is actually one learned long ago: you don't have to keep on drinking to keep on having fun. Again, I think this was more an effect of the knowledge of no more wine for another few weeks, because pre-project I was really good at stopping at a glass or two. I think it'll be easy to go back to that habit. Also, I always thought of this meal as indulgent (even before), but one of my guests said it was the healthiest thing he'd eaten in the last month. So lesson two is that when I actually cook, I generally cook good stuff. Just need to keep it to only one indulgent thing for a special meal, and a small portion of that.
1. Maple toasted walnuts: fail; bad walnuts. We've had them before and they were way better. Got consumed anyway, mostly by a friend.
2. Broiled pork tenderloin with garlic and rosemary: great success. I felt they were a little undercooked, but the crew ate so much that there was nothing left over.
(They were just surprised I was taking the picture. The pork was enthusiastically dished and snarfed.)3. Risotto with gorgonzola and sage: massive success. Except for the guy who gets sick when he eats blue cheese (did not tell me this in response to my pre-shopping inquiry), everyone had multiple servings. This recipe includes two cups of rice, a stick of butter, and a quarter pound of cheese, not to mention the parmesan for garnish. It was everything I was missing and more. I had two small servings and almost stopped there, but the bowl still on the table a half hour after we'd all finished eating called to me and I had a little more. Wouldn't have done it if not for the thought: you can't have even a tiny little bite tomorrow.
(Also salad with oranges and homemade vinaigrette for contrast and greens.)4. Lemon granita: so, so, so good and refreshing. Hong Kong is "cooling off," by which I mean that we just feel pleasantly warm in our short sleeves and no longer sweat the second we step outdoors. Ices are still in season. This one is just lemon juice, lemon zest, spring water, and superfine sugar. No photo because I was too busy eating. It's powerful, so portions are always small, but I had two.
I know, the only really indulgent thing on the list is the risotto, but there was salt on everything, and sugar in three of the dishes, and lots and lots of wine with dinner. Also, people to have fun with in a casual situation that involves food and drink. We played an impromptu game of Balderdash (I won, of course), and just generally had a great time until I kicked everyone out just before 11.
(See the water pitcher on the table? I drank lots of that, too.)The fallout today was instructive. I didn't have a traditional headache-y hangover, but did have some rough intestinal effects this morning, probably from all the wine. I had to go back to the bathroom after jumping rope, and back again after finishing the strength exercises. After that, it was pretty normal. There was also strong afternoon fatigue, combined with a powerful revulsion toward food, even as my stomach rumbled. I wasn't able to finish my tuna salad at lunch--the gag reflex was just too strong.
The important lesson here is actually one learned long ago: you don't have to keep on drinking to keep on having fun. Again, I think this was more an effect of the knowledge of no more wine for another few weeks, because pre-project I was really good at stopping at a glass or two. I think it'll be easy to go back to that habit. Also, I always thought of this meal as indulgent (even before), but one of my guests said it was the healthiest thing he'd eaten in the last month. So lesson two is that when I actually cook, I generally cook good stuff. Just need to keep it to only one indulgent thing for a special meal, and a small portion of that.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Day Seventy-Seven: Thank you
Thank you all for the thoughtful, helpful, and just plain funny comments on my last post. You guys make the world a better place to live. Special love to the "graduates" who are still coming back to cheer us on and tell us that post-PCP isn't the end of the world. Ilan, I'd love to read a post on what happens weeks later--do it! Tara, Andy, Stu, Patrick, you guys are the best. Sarah, fine, I do feel stronger. And Grace, you are so so right about LAGS. We would eat them first, because they'd be tastier and easier to take down.
I managed the workout on Friday night, even though I didn't start until after 8 pm, and today's rest-day jump roping. Tomorrow, it's indulgence time. I'm planning to cook, and to make four old favorite recipes. Am curious to see how they'll taste after this period of detox--Patrick said to blow it out, so there will be sugar, and cheese, and butter, and salt. Stay tuned for photos.
I managed the workout on Friday night, even though I didn't start until after 8 pm, and today's rest-day jump roping. Tomorrow, it's indulgence time. I'm planning to cook, and to make four old favorite recipes. Am curious to see how they'll taste after this period of detox--Patrick said to blow it out, so there will be sugar, and cheese, and butter, and salt. Stay tuned for photos.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Day Seventy-Five: Losing Steam
Well, guys, I'm losing a little steam over here. Part of it is not enough sleep three nights in a row. Part of it is this: I'm starting to accept that I won't be perfect at the end of this thing.
I know: it's a journey. No one's ever perfect. These are the tools, blah, blah. And that's all fine. When I'm an adult, which is most of the time, they're enough.
But it's day 75, I've been working my ass off for months, and when this is over, I still won't want to be seen anywhere in a bathing suit. The results earlier folks got, combined with that weird self-image problem so many of us have, in which we look better to ourselves in the mirror than we do when we catch an unexpected glimpse or in photos, made me think that I could hit the end of this thing looking ordinary. Not ripped, not skinny, just ordinary.
Well, I'll achieve that, sort of, and will be ordinarily chubby. That's certainly better than flat-out fat, but it's not what I wanted. It was an unrealistic dream, seeing as I'm trying to counteract the effect of two and a half years of self-neglect (and some self-sabotage). But the dream is dying hard.
Effect: today I slept an extra hour and didn't manage the workout till evening, which will ripple into tomorrow when I'll need to evening workout again. Also I didn't cook anything last night (nasty but effective bowl of tuna and corn for dinner), which meant that lunch was a huge salad with more tuna and some dry toast. It was a real slog to get through.
The good news is that my husband stepped up. He pushed me to exercise tonight. For the second half of the workout, he talked while I sweated and counted. And then--this is true love--he got down on the floor and did planks with me. Even though I sucked as much as usual at them, I felt less defeated at the end. Afterward, he tag-teamed me in the kitchen so that now I have chicken and vegetables to go on the 10-grain bread I made last weekend for lunch tomorrow. I love him.
Back on the subject of planks, I just don't get them. My shoulders and back hurt like hell, but my abs don't seem to feel them at all. Luke stood up and checked my form and said that I was doing them right. Is there something else I should be concentrating on? I tell myself that there are only four sets of planks left in this thing and then I never have to do them again. But they're the only thing in the workout that I don't understand and that make me feel worse about myself, no matter what I do.
I know: it's a journey. No one's ever perfect. These are the tools, blah, blah. And that's all fine. When I'm an adult, which is most of the time, they're enough.
But it's day 75, I've been working my ass off for months, and when this is over, I still won't want to be seen anywhere in a bathing suit. The results earlier folks got, combined with that weird self-image problem so many of us have, in which we look better to ourselves in the mirror than we do when we catch an unexpected glimpse or in photos, made me think that I could hit the end of this thing looking ordinary. Not ripped, not skinny, just ordinary.
Well, I'll achieve that, sort of, and will be ordinarily chubby. That's certainly better than flat-out fat, but it's not what I wanted. It was an unrealistic dream, seeing as I'm trying to counteract the effect of two and a half years of self-neglect (and some self-sabotage). But the dream is dying hard.
Effect: today I slept an extra hour and didn't manage the workout till evening, which will ripple into tomorrow when I'll need to evening workout again. Also I didn't cook anything last night (nasty but effective bowl of tuna and corn for dinner), which meant that lunch was a huge salad with more tuna and some dry toast. It was a real slog to get through.
The good news is that my husband stepped up. He pushed me to exercise tonight. For the second half of the workout, he talked while I sweated and counted. And then--this is true love--he got down on the floor and did planks with me. Even though I sucked as much as usual at them, I felt less defeated at the end. Afterward, he tag-teamed me in the kitchen so that now I have chicken and vegetables to go on the 10-grain bread I made last weekend for lunch tomorrow. I love him.
Back on the subject of planks, I just don't get them. My shoulders and back hurt like hell, but my abs don't seem to feel them at all. Luke stood up and checked my form and said that I was doing them right. Is there something else I should be concentrating on? I tell myself that there are only four sets of planks left in this thing and then I never have to do them again. But they're the only thing in the workout that I don't understand and that make me feel worse about myself, no matter what I do.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Day Seventy-Two: Vacated
I missed you guys! I'm looking forward to reading everyone's blogs later today. But first: vacation summary, in the form of a report card.
(View from a little boat on the Li River.)
Exercise: A+
Got all the exercises in, with my poor husband covering his ears and trying to catch another hour of sleep while I hopped, panted, and sweated my way around our room. At his suggestion, I jumped without the rope for the last two days in the interest of reducing noise--he tells me that the great Sugar Ray Robinson just swung the rope next to him on each side and didn't bother jumping over it. Major benefit: when pantomiming, there are no trips and no sneaky little 2-second breaks while recovering. It turns out that my jumping at home with the rope again today was much more smooth, too. Final score: 18 minutes of jumping, 1 minute of rest, and one solitary trip in the last set!
On the second day we rented bikes and went tooling around the Chinese countryside. Guilin is famous for its beautiful and oddly-shaped mountains and we got some spectacular views. Left the hotel at 9:30, returned at 4:30, stopped several times in the middle to float down the river, grab lunch, and hike up a hill. The hike was a personal triumph for me--more than 800 steps, and I didn't stop once on the way up to catch my breath. The guys only waited at the top of Moon Hill for a couple of minutes before I hove into view.
(On top of Moon Hill. Wish my arms had more definition already.)
It would be even more exciting except that there were a dozen little old wrinkled Chinese women climbing up almost as fast, toting styrofoam coolers with water and soft drinks for sale, and fanning tourists with one hand as they did. We really admired how hard they worked for a few kuai, but it was tough to get rid of them if you didn't need their services. As we came down off the trail, an ElderHostel group had just arrived and there were ladies trotting toward them from all directions, looking hopeful that this group would spend more freely than we had.
The major negative of all that bike riding: combined with jump rope the next morning, it gave me a major calf cramp that's still a tough little knot down there. On the last day, we spent several hours walking around the city of Guilin, but we went really slow and I was limping.
(But calf cramps don't stop you from using weird public exercise equipment!)
Eating: C-
A passing grade, but barely. I packed all my breakfasts and fruit snacks, but the rooms did not have refrigerators as advertised, so the fruit fermented quickly and my breakfast carbs were nasty by the last day. Dairy in general is pretty scarce, and I managed about 2/3 of my yogurt and dairy component. For fruit, I just ate whole small oranges, apples, a slice of watermelon, etc.
As for lunch and dinner. Well. Sometimes in China you order eggplant and you get peeled, steamed eggplant covered in minced garlic, with no salt and very little oil. Sometimes, you get eggplant that's been sliced, deep fried, and then covered in a thick pork-MSG sauce. (I had both, though I only took a few bites of the fried eggplant after shaking off most of the lovely sauce.) Often you order greens with "xiao you, xiao yan" (small oil, small salt), and you get a plate swimming in salty oil anyway. I confess that I didn't even try hard with ordering the meats--just ate the chicken without the skin, and the fish without dredging it first in the sauce. There was some pork in there, too. For two nights, I ate uninspired dinner salads without dressing. Overall, the first day was sort of transgressive fun to be forced to eat off plan (I did have a bite of fried egg scallion pancake and it was overwhelming and delicious), and the rest were just annoying.
(Catfish that was living 10 minutes before this photo was taken--tasty and pretty PCP-compliant, too.
Oh, and I'd like to point out that there's nothing but tea in my cup on the left.
Aside from a single sip of a great Belgian beer, I avoided the temptations of alcohol.)
Sleep: B
Mostly full nights. Since we went for the cheap flights, there was much arriving after midnight. Got home this morning just past three am, slept 7 broken hours, worked out, and managed a first bite of food around noon.
(A panorama from near the end of the bike trip.)
Overall, a solid B for the trip. It was good to try taking these principles on the road, but I'm happy to be reunited with my scale and with food I have total control over. I don't know if I made any fat-burning progress this week, but the muscles, at least, are still growing.
(View from a little boat on the Li River.)Exercise: A+
Got all the exercises in, with my poor husband covering his ears and trying to catch another hour of sleep while I hopped, panted, and sweated my way around our room. At his suggestion, I jumped without the rope for the last two days in the interest of reducing noise--he tells me that the great Sugar Ray Robinson just swung the rope next to him on each side and didn't bother jumping over it. Major benefit: when pantomiming, there are no trips and no sneaky little 2-second breaks while recovering. It turns out that my jumping at home with the rope again today was much more smooth, too. Final score: 18 minutes of jumping, 1 minute of rest, and one solitary trip in the last set!
On the second day we rented bikes and went tooling around the Chinese countryside. Guilin is famous for its beautiful and oddly-shaped mountains and we got some spectacular views. Left the hotel at 9:30, returned at 4:30, stopped several times in the middle to float down the river, grab lunch, and hike up a hill. The hike was a personal triumph for me--more than 800 steps, and I didn't stop once on the way up to catch my breath. The guys only waited at the top of Moon Hill for a couple of minutes before I hove into view.
(On top of Moon Hill. Wish my arms had more definition already.)The major negative of all that bike riding: combined with jump rope the next morning, it gave me a major calf cramp that's still a tough little knot down there. On the last day, we spent several hours walking around the city of Guilin, but we went really slow and I was limping.
(But calf cramps don't stop you from using weird public exercise equipment!)Eating: C-
A passing grade, but barely. I packed all my breakfasts and fruit snacks, but the rooms did not have refrigerators as advertised, so the fruit fermented quickly and my breakfast carbs were nasty by the last day. Dairy in general is pretty scarce, and I managed about 2/3 of my yogurt and dairy component. For fruit, I just ate whole small oranges, apples, a slice of watermelon, etc.
As for lunch and dinner. Well. Sometimes in China you order eggplant and you get peeled, steamed eggplant covered in minced garlic, with no salt and very little oil. Sometimes, you get eggplant that's been sliced, deep fried, and then covered in a thick pork-MSG sauce. (I had both, though I only took a few bites of the fried eggplant after shaking off most of the lovely sauce.) Often you order greens with "xiao you, xiao yan" (small oil, small salt), and you get a plate swimming in salty oil anyway. I confess that I didn't even try hard with ordering the meats--just ate the chicken without the skin, and the fish without dredging it first in the sauce. There was some pork in there, too. For two nights, I ate uninspired dinner salads without dressing. Overall, the first day was sort of transgressive fun to be forced to eat off plan (I did have a bite of fried egg scallion pancake and it was overwhelming and delicious), and the rest were just annoying.
(Catfish that was living 10 minutes before this photo was taken--tasty and pretty PCP-compliant, too.Oh, and I'd like to point out that there's nothing but tea in my cup on the left.
Aside from a single sip of a great Belgian beer, I avoided the temptations of alcohol.)
Sleep: B
Mostly full nights. Since we went for the cheap flights, there was much arriving after midnight. Got home this morning just past three am, slept 7 broken hours, worked out, and managed a first bite of food around noon.
(A panorama from near the end of the bike trip.)Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Day Sixty-Six: The New Normal
Our previous classes of PCPers talked a lot about hitting a new normal and, folks, I think I'm there. It's no longer a negotiation with myself to get up and work out at the drop dead time--now I usually start a few minutes earlier than absolutely necessary. And the food is just plugging along. It feels so much less time-consuming than at the beginning, though I do still spend hours a week in the kitchen.
It's also finally having the payoff I looked for in evening discipline. The last few nights in a row, I've just trotted off to study, instead of collapsing on the couch. And the studying was fun and rewarding, too. Things I've been telling myself for years and not acting on: take 1,000,000.
In the diet, I am so happy to be back to evening fruit. Evening veg was much more difficult and much less tasty. Sugar in the evening, even natural fruit sugar, is more delicious. Am a little annoyed that back day is going to be our first morning on the road; there's no way I'm traveling for three nights with a pull-up bar in tow. Patrick--is it all right to switch that with the previous day workout? Or do you have an alternate suggestion for the kung fu sit-ups?
It's also finally having the payoff I looked for in evening discipline. The last few nights in a row, I've just trotted off to study, instead of collapsing on the couch. And the studying was fun and rewarding, too. Things I've been telling myself for years and not acting on: take 1,000,000.
In the diet, I am so happy to be back to evening fruit. Evening veg was much more difficult and much less tasty. Sugar in the evening, even natural fruit sugar, is more delicious. Am a little annoyed that back day is going to be our first morning on the road; there's no way I'm traveling for three nights with a pull-up bar in tow. Patrick--is it all right to switch that with the previous day workout? Or do you have an alternate suggestion for the kung fu sit-ups?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Day Sixty-Four: Sleeping All The Time
Hey, team, is anyone else still exhausted all the time? I seem to remember previous teams talking about their crazy energy, and how they feel so good, etc. My experience is more exhaustion, including sometimes extreme sleepiness after lunch. And the weekends--wow. I've taken hours-long naps two days in a row, from which it's nearly impossible to wake. Anyone else?
Other than that, I've got a vacation coming up starting Thursday to enjoy and stress over. I think I'll pack complete breakfasts for all four days. I know I can get yogurt, milk, fruit there. Should I pack lunches and dinners as well? Maybe just half lunches and dinners? (The hotels will have fridges, but we might spend hours in transit a couple of days in a row). Or should I take a chance that the hotels/restaurants can provide appropriate food? It's an area that's used to Western tourists and my dinners this week have gone back to protein and veg, so I'm inclined to take the chance.
Those of you who have traveled, especially in China, what did you do?
Other than that, I've got a vacation coming up starting Thursday to enjoy and stress over. I think I'll pack complete breakfasts for all four days. I know I can get yogurt, milk, fruit there. Should I pack lunches and dinners as well? Maybe just half lunches and dinners? (The hotels will have fridges, but we might spend hours in transit a couple of days in a row). Or should I take a chance that the hotels/restaurants can provide appropriate food? It's an area that's used to Western tourists and my dinners this week have gone back to protein and veg, so I'm inclined to take the chance.
Those of you who have traveled, especially in China, what did you do?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)