In response to yesterday's slough of self-pity, Patrick told me to focus on what I'm GAINING. Other than weight, you mean, this week for the first time in the project? I am furious about that, since I'm still covered in plenty of fat and have heretofore been dropping 2 - 4 pounds a week. You will never convince me that I gained so much more muscle than usual in the past week (or two weeks ago, or whatever) to completely cancel out the usual fat loss. My muscles certainly don't look any bigger. Also, my clothes all fit the same as last week. Really frustrating. But I banged out the workout this morning, packed a lunch, and hit the trail anyway.
The bargain is supposed to be I do the diet and work hard at the exercises and, in return, I lose fat (fail this week), gain fitness (was just as out of breath on the uphills as someone who hasn't exercised in a year on the hike today), and eat better (one out of three!).
Anyway, the other thing I've been urged to do is avoid situations where I watch people eat. But that conflicts with my inspiration activity. Case in point. Today we went to Po Toi for a lovely 5k up-and-down hike. And then everyone else had a well-deserved seafood feast and I snarfed a sandwich. It was a good sandwich, but totally didn't compare. So should I have skipped these views in favor of staying home and feeling lonely?
(On the way down and out to Monk's Point.)
(The ocean in late afternoon from the ferry.)Or should I have once again sat and watched people feast and not joined in?
(Five of about ten dishes on the set menu.)
(The chili crab, staring at me mournfully since I wouldn't honor her sacrifice by chowing down.)I chose option two, as you can tell from the pictures. It was a good day, overall. But now everyone's headed back out for dinner and beer and I am sitting around alone and feeling frustrated (Option one! I can has both miseries in one day!). I'll keep up my end of the bargain these last 30-odd days, but don't expect me to be cheerful about the missed opportunities. Especially if there are any more weeks where I do every fucking thing right and gain nothing but weight.
Oh, I hear you!! This was the very hardest thing for me on the PCP. I spent a long weekend in Florida with a group of women who I usually take a trip with every year -- they were boozing it up and I was getting up at 8 am (on vacation!) to walk on the beach and do chest presses on the porch. I felt virtuous but angry. Now that I'm on the other side of it I can see that it was really temporary. Shitty, but temporary. And I feel better and stronger for having made my good choices then.
ReplyDeleteOne thing to keep in mind, I think, is that this is not the way you're going to be eating forever. You're not going to go back to the way you ate before PCP, but your life is going to be structured so you can enjoy those outings more, take part to a reasonable degree, and sometimes really indulge. It's not going to be all deprivation, all the time.
And I also understand about wanting to see those RESULTS, dammit! You're doing all this work and your body doesn't give you the payoff? WTF? One thing that Patrick shared which made me feel a lot better: you don't see the payoff from your efforts until a week afterward. So when you weigh yourself or check out your clothes this week, it's not about what you did THIS week, it's about what you did the week before. Of course, the body also seems to go through cycles where it just isn't ready to release fat, and it's hard to predict. Believe me, I totally understand your frustration. I hope some of these ideas might make it a little easier on you.
Yep, what Tara said. I guarantee you did not put an ounce of fat on this week. The weight could be a combination of muscle, water retention, but definitely not fat. You'd have to be defying some laws of physics (or sneaking cheesecakes on the side) to have that happen. So relax! Why not take a month off from the scale and just see what happens?
ReplyDeleteyou freaking rock! way to workout when you're less than inspired and your self control around the chili crab is a thing to behold.
ReplyDeleteoh bebe, it's totally ok to be Betty Bitter for a bit. it does suck when you work really hard and you can't see the results and the scale displays lame stuff. there were definitely weeks i felt my body stalling that way. (btw, i can fluctuate from 2 to 8 pounds in a day cause of water so try not to sweat that too much.)
the pics from the hike are boo-ti-ful!
Dang, I wish you were seeing the results from all your hard work. I'm kind of the opposite than lonely right now. Really bored seeing people party around me, and I can't join in the crazy times.
ReplyDeleteI agree that you shouldn't look at the scale. Simply don't look at it. I can see that your appearance has changed so don't think about it. I did a test a week ago where I weighed myself in the morning and then at night and it was a ten pound difference. I'm actually underweight and want to gain more muscle (but i've got to sleep more for that). I hope everything improves. STAY STRONG!
Well done for sticking with it. That meal must have been painful! Its going to be worth it!
ReplyDeletethe food porn makes my stomach churn - amazing self control.
ReplyDeleteKim -- you're sticking it out and I'm slacking.. I guess i would say that I'm much prouder of you than I am of me. It's not much, but it's something, right? 30 days left.. I'm counting down. (nat)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how the mind easily accepts negative conclusions. I gained weight, so it must be fat. Don't fall for that. It's hard now, but it'll get easier. We're so close! Fantastic carrot knows no fear. (ramiro)
ReplyDelete